Smash, it was a graveyard

Happy All Ghouls' Day
to my Carpathian-American friends!

Space, Hungarians in

To infinity and beyond!

It was a long time coming, but it's finally here: Hungarians are going to space. Charles Simonyi, the software dude, will be the next rich guy to go visit the international space station. Clearly not being one to hold a grudge over such silly little things as Stalinism, he's hitching a ride with two Russian cosmonauts who will be flying a Soyuz TMA10 to the station next year. And he may be bringing goodies prepared by domestic guru and former prison inmate Martha Stewart, who probably makes a mean borscht and is sure to also provide the finest vodka, crafted in her own estate by her very own slave staff. Way to go, Chuckie! As many of your countrypeople contemplate what could possibly be a very stark winter with no money to pay the heating bills, they will derive some warmth from the fact that you're using your fortune for the important things in life.

Got warp? Contact the space cadets of ENN at eza_news @ yahoo.com

Riots, random notes from the

• Bandannas are good -- You know, my friend Tyler is right. You can't ever have enough bandannas.
  
  
  
• Some cops are very rude -- Do they import these from New York?
  
  
  
• Some cops are very polite -- See? It actually CAN be done!
  
  
  
• Some people like to climb onto high places and then startle innocent bystanders by just dropping into the conversation. WTF? Yell "fore" or "incoming" or whatever. Yeah, you know who you are.
  
  
  
• If the forecast predicts water cannon, showering is pointless.
  
  
  
• Some people seem to love handing out flags.
  
  
  
• The four flags we got (see above) can be arranged into several different political statements.
  
  
  
• Some people like to use porta-potties as barricades. Some of us who really need to go to the bathroom deeply decry that behavior.
  
  
  
• Some people don't seem to remember that old adage: "curiosity got the cat kicked and handcuffed."
  
  
  
• Manyleventydred people in the streets, a lot of them with cell phones and cameras. Clearly part of one of those Disaster & Civil Unrest Travel Agencies, Inc. tours.
  
  
  
• Overheard: "This is way better than the floods." I'm not making this up.
  
  
  
• What's with all the Chinese?
  
  
  
• Some people have an amazing ability to be flirty in the weirdest of circumstances.
  
  
  
• The small world effect is real. Turns out ABC's "Lost" may not be so far-fetched after all (in that area...let's not push it).
  
  
  
• Thanks to whoever decided to print "rendőrség/police" on the cops' jackets. Otherwise it would be very easy to mistake them for a large group of men wearing matching riot gear, who like to control crowds and arrest people. Those who speak neither English nor Hungarian may still be wondering who all those baton-wielding guys were and what was up with the sirens and the rubber bullets.
  
  
  
• Who leaves gas in a exhibition tank's tank? And don't these things have locks or something?
  
  
  

Got anarchy? Contact the rabble-rousing staff of ENN @ eza_news @ yahoo.com

Past, remembering the

Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness…. When experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it…. This is the condition of children and barbarians, in whom instinct has learned nothing from experience. ~ George Santayana, The Life of Reason, vol. 1, chapter 12, p. 284 (1905).

Got memory? Email the traveling ENN staff (in Budapest for a short time) at eza_news @ yahoo.com

Tapes, enough with the

zMonikagate: New Tape Reveals Magyar Government are Boneheads.

This past Sunday, the state radio broadcast a tape of a closed (as in not public) government meeting in which Cabinet minister Monika Lamperth apparently reassured her colleagues that even though the opposition party had swept the elections, the government party would still get to control the money. "Believe me, we know what we have to do," Lamperth said. "It will be a modification which crosses out the assertion in newspaper headlines that from now on we will be in trouble because Fidesz will be distributing the money." [Insert ominous music here. ]

The plot sickens. How many of these leaked tapes of secret meetings are there, people? It's getting a little silly. ENN (Knowing What to Do Since 2006) would like to suggest some moderately priced security equipment that might go a long way to ensure that the liars and cheats in government can continue lying and cheating with impunity. We'd also like to suggest wrist checks and swift execution of anyone found wearing this watch.

We would also like to ask those who are taping all this stuff to start releasing the sex tapes. Come on, you know there must be at least one. Stop teasing and give up the goods, dudes.

Got intrigue? Email the scoundrelly staff of ENN at eza_news @ yahoo.com

Party, the life of the

Coming soon to a theater near you:

Lie Actually, starring Hugh Grant as Gyurcsány Ferenc.

In an astonishing new development in the scandal surrounding Gyurcsány Ferenc's latest audio release (Feri's Greatest Hit), media experts have revealed that they believe the "secret" recording may have not been so secret after all. In fact, they claim that it was probably recorded in a studio by a cable directly connected to Feri's microphone. In Feri's defense, ENN (Is This Thing On?) would like to point out that the PM may not have noticed his private speech to the elite was being piped into a top of the line, albeit secret recording studio at EMI, because at the time he was caught in wave after wave of "passionate speech" (cough, cough).

On an even more interesting note (G flat), it seems that before Magyar Rádió received the recording, a CD of the speech was offered for sale. Sadly, there were no takers, mainly because a capella works are not so popular as they once were, and also because the price tag was over €100,000, which is slightly higher than the usual price for this type of work. Free advice to Feri's manager: next time, make him rap the speech, and have him change his stage name to Big Daddy Gy.

Got tunes? Email the rappin' gangsta mofos at ENN at eza_news @ yahoo.com

Scream, the primal

Help, help! I've been stolen!

As if ringtones weren't annoying enough (must you have the entire William Tell Overture on your cell phone?), now there is The Scream, a nasty, high-pitched wail you can have your phone emit if it's been stolen. ENN (We Got the Network), would like to thank cell-phone-carrying reader Leslie for bringing to our attention this new development in the world of communications. We believe this technology will impact the world of medicine as well, especially the fascinating (and rapidly growing) field of eardrum transplants.

For a small monthly fee of 18 USD**, you can have Synchronica remotely manage your phone. In case you notice your phone has been stolen, all you have to do is notify them, and they will turn on the blasted, unholy, ear-piercing blasphemy that they like to call the Synchronica Scream Feature. Eighteen dollars a month is not a huge price to pay for the satisfaction of knowing the abominable thief is lying somewhere in an alley, blood pouring from his ears. Revenge of the machine, dude. Can you hear me now, you filthy fother-mucker?

A very interesting fact that Synchronica reveals in their press release is that, whereas it takes people about 30 seconds to notice their cell phone is missing, it takes them one hour to notice their wallet or purse are gone. Hello? We can understand not noticing that a wallet has been taken by a clever, silk-fingered pickpocket, but a purse? Ladies, hang up and pay more attention. That pulling sensation you just felt on your shoulder is not a muscle spasm, but a signal that some dude just made off with your giant purse. But don't worry: the phone is all right, still safely tucked against your ear, busily working on that tumor in your parietal lobe. Thank goodness for small favors.

Coming soon: the Scream Feature Chip you can add to your car, pets, kids, and last but not least, spouse. Better stock up on earplugs.

**The basic service does not include the hairless blue woman.

Got ringtones? Don't bother emailing the staff at ENN at eza_news @ yahoo.com. We're sick of'em.