péntek, július 25, 2008

Tourism, naked sex


Gratuitous naked pussy



In analyzing the blog's stats, the staff of ENN (We Got Mojo) has found that many readers happen upon this blog by doing searches for "sex tourism Slovakia." Yeah, guys, Google kinda keeps track of that stuff. Here you are, trying to book yourself a nice vacation in sexy Slovakia ("We put the tit in titillation") and your right to privacy is being, like, totally violated by a bot. Ironic, no?


If one is to go by the stats, a lot of people are roaming the Net looking for sex tourism in Slovakia (or as we like to call it, Northern Hungary). The Wikipedia article on Slovakia says that the country "has achieved a difficult transition from a centrally planned economy to a modern, high-income market economy." This shouldn't be surprising, what with all the money that must be coming in from these perverts looking for sex tourism there.


We kid you not; we get at least one hit every day from some masochist looking to pay for sex in Bratislava. Less perverted people find the place when they're looking for the ingredients in Unicum. That is also pretty weird. The stats aren't sophisticated enough to figure out if the two searches are related, but come on, they can't be. No one is that sick.

Got your mojo workin'? If you get that reference, daddy-o, email the hip cats at eza_news at yahoo.com


szerda, május 28, 2008

Effect, cause and

This ain't no karma chameleon

Sharon Stone said that maybe the earthquake in China was karma over China's treatment of Tibet. She was wrong, and MSNBC News has the scoop. The truth is out there, people, in the streets, stomping like the Golem and causing geological distress to the planet. It's not the ozone layer. It's not climate change. It's the lardass American kids.

ENN (We got the skinny) thinks it's about time to stop worrying about polar bears and how their ice is melting (stop whining and have your food straight up, bears) and to start taking action about these human butterballs that are messing with geology and more serious things, like gravity and the planet's tilt. Given the price of gasoline, how about we have fat kids pull rickshaws? That's environmentally friendly and aerobic too. In Alaska, fat kids could replace dogs and pull sleds, which has the added benefit of teaching the chubsters about teamwork.

And Sharon, China treats everyone like crap, not just the Tibetans.

Got fat kids? Get a rickshaw.

csütörtök, május 22, 2008

STINKS, because Vista

Steve Ballmer haz Mac!

Steve "I can haz Mac?" Ballmer recently got egged during a lecture at Corvinus University in Budapest, by a student wearing a T-shirt with "Microsoft=corruption" printed on the back. The Hungarian papers are saying it all has to do with the dude being upset that the Hungarian "government" (yeah, whatever) awarded a contract to Microsoft to provide software and IT training to local professionals under a program named "Titan." ENN (Usul, we have corruption the likes of which not even God has ever seen!) knows that this is just the usual spin doctoring by the mercenary news outlets. The real truth is the guy's had enough of Vista's ridiculous and Nixon-level paranoid features that don't let you open any client without asking for passcodes, fingerprints, retinal scans and a DNA swab, but didn't know how to say all that in English, so he mumbled something about money and lobbed some eggs. Most people would say he should've lobbed something else at Ballmer. Like a tactical nuke.

Got Vista?
Email the ENN geeks at eza_news.at.yahoo.com and we'll tell you what you can do with it.

vasárnap, május 11, 2008

Hungary, vegan in


Check us out. Our antioxidants kick ass.*


Are you a recent vegan and on your way to Hungary? Are you fretting about what to eat? My friend Csilla turned vegan overnight after watching the HBO special "I am an animal." I haven't seen it, but I hear it's not for the faint of heart. Csilla had nightmares for days. In any case, Csilla's conversion to pure vegetarianism came shortly before her trip to Hungary to visit relatives. Hungarian food tends to be very animal-heavy, and so Csilla wondered what she would eat, and figured she'd have to go to a store and load up on fruit and crackers. So ENN (We Iz Animals, Hear us Bray) did a bit of investigative journalism and found that, yes, you can be vegan in Hungary and you can even eat out! Very cool.

If you'd like a list of the places you can visit in Budapest and not be faced with dead animals on a plate, check out this link. This is the Happy Cow page covering Budapest, and it lists 17 vegan-friendly restaurants. Not bad, huh? See? You won't starve. Want more? Check Budaveg.


Now, if you eat at someone's house, it might take considerable effort to get them to understand you don't eat animals. They might shake their heads and think you are crazy, or malnourished, or both. It won't matter that you look slender and healthy, all rosy-cheeked and bright-eyed, and that your cholesterol is low and you are the poster child for the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine. They will still shake their head and try to feed you some beef. You might decide that a little white lie is best ("I'm allergic to anything that has animals in it -- got that from Mad Jack, my grandpa, who was a wereduck. I know, it's very regrettable. A curse, literally. Mess around with a gypsy and see what you get. They have no sense of humour, those gypsies."), because this might save you a lot of time. You may be faced with things like, "Well, that's ok, I made fish." Instead of launching into a lecture (complete with flipcharts) about fish not being vegetables, you might want to have some kind of official looking document from your doctor, or from the World Wereduck Federation, that explains they're not responsible for what will happen should you ingest animal products, and that removing the bits of beef from the stew just won't cut it.


Explaining to people that you don't drink milk, eat butter, and avoid cream and honey might definitely put you into the looney tunes category. I think most Hungarians might understand you don't eat the dead animal, but no milk? No honey? No butter? No cream????? That will sound as weird as if you said your favorite pasttime is to roll in mud and then in coconut flakes and pretend you're a chocolate log while you sing show tunes. Again, you might want to consider going the white lie route.


If you visit small towns or villages, take some food with you, because finding vegan food in those places is harder than finding original writing on Lost.


Got veg?

Email the tomattas at eza_news.at.yahoo.com

*image used for educational purposes only.

szombat, január 19, 2008

Project, the Blairfield

Remind you of something?



Cloverfield plays like a YouTube clip, and not a good one. At ENN (We Dig Films), we had several problems with the movie:

The people who made it clearly have never used a camcorder, or maybe they've never been off drugs when they've used one. Most people I know can film a party without shaking the camera like they're mixing margaritas in it. Sure, when you're running around town while debris falls all around you and a monster that looks so much like the ones in the Alien movies is throwing buildings around, the camera moves a lot more, but the whole movie seemed to have been filmed from one of those coin operated beds.

The intro to the movie -- the party -- was about as interesting as watching grass grow. The actors displayed the complexity and emotional range of a paper clip and unsurprisingly gave us characters that were bland, shallow, and pointless. They never became sympathetic and personally, I kept waiting for the real protagonists to show up and finally decided they're probably striking in support of the WGA, along with the people who had been selected to write this movie originally, before the union problems forced the producers to hire a bunch of 9 year old boys.

Woody Allen is a director who can film people sitting around chatting and it's interesting and even fascinating, because his characters are complex and nuanced. The Cloverfield team should've left this kind of thing to the master and instead have come up with some other kind of intro. First rule of writing is, start in the middle of the action and draw people in with that and with sympathetic characters who have something to offer.

The movie wants to be edgy and original, and to do so it shamelessly rips off The Blair Witch Project. Gasp! This is recovered footage! This really happened! Problem with such a gimmick is, it's one of those one time deals. Any recurrences after that and the thing suffers horribly from the relationship between familiarity and contempt. Second problem with this particular gimmick as used in this particular movie is, we all know NYC is still there. With the Blair Witch Project, there was a remote chance that maybe some kids had died in some hick town in Maryland and CNN hadn't covered it, which made the illusion much more realistic and well-crafted. Cloverfield's take on it strikes one as amateurish.

Given that this is a monster movie, one doesn't expect dialog of the caliber found in other types of movies, namely, good ones written by people who know what they're doing. Still, one expects something more than MySpace speak. The tagline for this movie should've been, "OHMIGOD!" That was the phrase heard every few seconds, and after the fifteenth time it became a joke, a kind of ready-made drinking game, and this had the effect of making the monster seem justified in his tantrum.

Hud, the character who films the whole thing, is the best reporter to have ever graced the world of citizen journalism. Most people would've chucked the camera once the situation got really dicey, but not Hud. No sir. He goes on filming no matter what's going on, no matter where the action is taking place. He's like the mailman of journalism: come rain, come blizzards, come giant CGI monsters flinging limbs about, come angry biting beetles and masses of rats, come pandemonium on wheels, the guy points his camcorder and documents the whole thing for posterity. I stayed till the end of the credits but didn't see any mention of a posthumous Pulitzer for the guy. Shame.

Using imagery that's reminiscent of the terrorist attack on NYC is not cool. It's tacky and in poor taste, especially for those of us who were in town that day.

I don't know how much influence J.J. Abrams had on this movie, besides shelling money for it, but the movie feels like most of what he does, shallow and empty, eye candy with no relevance. I'm not a fan of the guy (heretic, I am!) because his work, like this movie, is mostly gimmicks and "wouldn't it be cool" scenes. Wouldn't it be cool if, like, a giant slug monster attacked New York, and, like, some guy filmed it all with a camcorder or a cell phone and then everyone, ohmigod, died and the film was found afterwards?" "Wouldn't it be cool if a plane crashed on a deserted island and there's, like, polar bears, and Others, and a smoke monster?" Between cool scenes, J.J., there ought to be plot, tied together in such a way that it makes sense and is interesting, poignant, and relevant. This is why writing is both an art and a craft.

The staff of ENN (We Are Legend) is anxiously waiting for the next installment of Epic Movie to laugh Cloverfield out of the corps.



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