Back, the Gap strikes

Mind The Gap: Emma Clark's war cry landed her in hot water

As payback for her long and hostile anti-Gap campaign, the American company (NYSE: GPS) decided to launch a malevolent DoS attack, and as a result, Emma's page has been taken down for the duration of her 15 minutes of fame. ENN (We're Loud, We're Proud, We're the Magyar-American Crowd) laments its part in promoting Emma and her funny little corner of the Web, though we remind everyone we had nothing to do with this silly anti-Gap war of Emma's. We're very much aware you can't beat The System, and as a matter of fact, we have a mug that says so. We'd never go against the London Underground or The Gap, though we think we might start a "Mind Banana Republic" campaign. Until then, give peace a chance, people, and tally me banana.

PS: To those who send Eejit Mail, yes, we know BR is a brand of The Gap (so is Old Navy). Yes, we know Clarke is referring to the gap between the train and the platform. Now, go off and do something for humankind, like getting sterilized. Thank you evah so much.

Got gripe? Take a hike.

Gap, mind the

At ENN (Slackers R Us) we like to support writers' strikes before they happen, and this is why there are so many gaps in between postings. Anyway, we're off the couch for a moment to post the ridiculous sacking of one Emma Clarke because she made fun of, among other things, American tourists. Emma's that voice you hear when you're on the Tube, the one who every so often warns people about The Gap.

Being Americans, the staff of ENN (amerikaiak vagyunk)knows American tourists are hilarious. Also, as Americans, we often exercise our constitutional right of making fun of Brits, so turnabout is fair play, no? But I guess that besides having bad teeth and being crap lovers, Brits have a low tolerance for employee humor. This, ironically, makes them take one more step in the direction of becoming American. And you guys thought you had gotten rid of us by sending a few Puritans over the ocean? Hah! Too funny.

But I digress. On her website, Emma has funny announcements we all may secretly wish we could've heard while using The System. One of them says "We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly." Apparently Emma has experienced American tourists before. Just in case you think the focus of her "slagging" is for the loud-mouthed Yanks, she also takes a stab at Londoners. I hope she will come up with one addressed just to Madonna, who is an American living in London, and thus straddles two categories (there may even be a photo of her in this pose, in her book of naked pics).

A spokesman for the London Underground said that they're "sorry to have to announce that further contracts for Ms Clarke are experiencing severe delays." Ha ha, so hilarious, and the spokesman didn't get canned for it (or sacked, if you're British). How come he can slag Emma but Emma can't slag anyone? Surely there must be a card we can play here: sexism, racism, speciesism, or some other ism. Emma, you fight, girl! Also, give The Gap another try. They're a bit expensive, but their stuff is nicer than the crap at Banana Republic.

Got bad teeth? Contact the ENN orthodontists at eza_news@yahoo.com