Help, help! I've been stolen!
As if ringtones weren't annoying enough (must you have the entire William Tell Overture on your cell phone?), now there is The Scream, a nasty, high-pitched wail you can have your phone emit if it's been stolen. ENN (We Got the Network), would like to thank cell-phone-carrying reader Leslie for bringing to our attention this new development in the world of communications. We believe this technology will impact the world of medicine as well, especially the fascinating (and rapidly growing) field of eardrum transplants.
For a small monthly fee of 18 USD**, you can have Synchronica remotely manage your phone. In case you notice your phone has been stolen, all you have to do is notify them, and they will turn on the blasted, unholy, ear-piercing blasphemy that they like to call the Synchronica Scream Feature. Eighteen dollars a month is not a huge price to pay for the satisfaction of knowing the abominable thief is lying somewhere in an alley, blood pouring from his ears. Revenge of the machine, dude. Can you hear me now, you filthy fother-mucker?
A very interesting fact that Synchronica reveals in their press release is that, whereas it takes people about 30 seconds to notice their cell phone is missing, it takes them one hour to notice their wallet or purse are gone. Hello? We can understand not noticing that a wallet has been taken by a clever, silk-fingered pickpocket, but a purse? Ladies, hang up and pay more attention. That pulling sensation you just felt on your shoulder is not a muscle spasm, but a signal that some dude just made off with your giant purse. But don't worry: the phone is all right, still safely tucked against your ear, busily working on that tumor in your parietal lobe. Thank goodness for small favors.
Coming soon: the Scream Feature Chip you can add to your car, pets, kids, and last but not least, spouse. Better stock up on earplugs.
**The basic service does not include the hairless blue woman.
Got ringtones? Don't bother emailing the staff at ENN at eza_news @ yahoo.com. We're sick of'em.
