Kellie Pickler, with friends Dorothy and TotoWith the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain
At ENN (We're Smarter Than Your Average Lint Trap) we like to lounge around the newsroom discussing lofty topics, such as the real reason behind the fall of the Roman empire (crumbling infrastructure, or banana peels placed strategically by clever barbarian leaders?), the impact of the Industrial Revolution on Western civilization (in time, it led to iPhones), or why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings.
But sometimes we like to dip our massive intellects into the topics that preoccupy those far less smart than we are, and this is one such time. Two words: Kellie Pickler. We used to think it would be impossible for humanity to produce someone more retarded than Paris Hilton, but clearly we hadn't reached low enough.
In a recent episode of "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" Kellie was faced with a very tough 3rd grade question, one that practically caused a cascade failure in her brain, as the lone neuron got bent out of shape while trying to maintain structural integrity:
Budapest is the capital of what European country?
Beyond the stereotypical assertion that blondes are stupid (not all of them are.... I personally know two who are smarter than Hawking), are they also out to get their own kind? Kellie, sweetie, didn't anyone ever say to you, in whatever hick town you come from where schools haven't been invented yet, that it's better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt? Kellie made everyone watching this show nod knowingly at one another, and snicker as they all agreed that yes, it's true blondes are idiots (and idiots who are not naturally blond will eventually dye their hair blond as a badge and marker of their stupidity) and only good for one thing, namely, apple picking.
Anyway, we digress. As sweet Kellie tried to talk her way through this very tough geography question in a voice whose pitch made my dog whine, she came up with so much material for late night show comics that the WGA is seriously reconsidering their strike.
Some highlights:
I thought Europe was a country.
Budapest…I’ve never even heard of that.
I know they speak French there.
Is France a country?
I don’t even know what I’m doing.
I don’t think France is a country. But I would have said that. I don’t know.
Awww, ain't she adorable? Dumb as a box of hair and a poster child for the sterilization of the stupid. But let's roll the tape, Attila!
As Ferengie Steve would say: res ipsa loquitur, which is roughly equivalent to: stupid is as stupid does. And the answer is, of course, Bogota. Duh.
Got IQ? Email the beautiful minds of ENN at eza_news.at.yahoo.com.
