Syringe, I have my own

Phrasebooks. They are the best tool for travelers who wish to make themselves understood in a foreign language. They come chock full of handy phrases that allow tourists and others to move around and do things like order food, reserve a hotel room, exchange money, etc. But they don't stop there, and also include many phrases that a traveler might need when adrift in a foreign land.

For example, the title of this post comes from a Lonely Planet Indonesian phrasebook. If you're on your way to Indonesia, memorize this: Saya punya suntikan saya sendiri (I have my own syringe). You never know when this phrase might come in handy, after all. If you are the kind of person who likes to party with heroin addicts, for example, you want to make it very clear to your friends that you don't share needles. And now, thanks to Lonely Planet, you can make yourself understood in flawless Indonesian and avoid a whole host of diseases, while at the same time impressing your friends with your knowledge of their language and your interest in hygiene.

If you're going to the Netherlands, you will want to master this phrase: Ik geef u een recept voor zetpillen, or "I'm going to prescribe some suppositories." It doesn't matter that you're not really a doctor; you can still do someone a good turn.

When you go to another country, it is always nice to say some words in the local language. Be sure to compliment people on their country, their history, their achievements, and even their looks. For example, if you find yourself in fair Wales, you may want to use this phrase: Mae bronnau ardderchog da hi, which means "She has excellent breasts." Try it on your hostess's husband and witness international friendship flourishing.

Say you're in Hawaii, and you plan to commit a series of murders, plus steal a couple of oxen and a horse. Who hasn't found himself in this kind of situation when traveling abroad, and felt frustrated at his inability to purchase needed items? Well, worry no more. Study this phrase: Heaha ko kela puu pahi umiumi, upa, pahi, kamaa lio me na lei-pipi? (How much for that lot of razors, scissors, knives, horseshoes, and yokes?)

Chechnya's lovely this time of year, and I know many of you avoid going there because you don't speak the language. However, if you study these three phrases from a 1997 phrasebook, you will do all right:

Tsun t'okhal doodush t'ai hintsa lattash dui? (Is the bridge still standing?)
Gerza ma tooghalah'! (Don't shoot!)
Minii aaree yolcha vugar vari ah'so? (Can you take me to the minefields?)

Do not be afraid (Ha baqin, in Somali) to express yourself. Even a few words in the local tongue will pay off in friendship. Remember you are an ambassador of goodwill when you travel, and using a few phrases in the language of the country you are visiting will reflect very well on yours. If you happen to be traveling to the lovely Magyar country (that'd be Hungary, see elsewhere on this blog for directions, or set your hovercraft controls to these coordinates: 47 00 N, 20 00 E), and only have time to learn one phrase, learn this one:

Légpárnás hajóm tele van angolnákkal -- My hovercraft is full of eels.