In case of emergency, ticket inspectors may be used as flotation devices
Alert and wet-to-the-marrow readers Sára and her manly toy boy Attila floated down the streets of Budapest after the huge-ass downpour on Tuesday, risking their lives for the sake of journalism. Seems Budapest was this close to displacing the Balaton as the largest lake in Europe. Down in the Metro, people joyfully lashed ticket inspectors together to make handy rafts.
Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, the Ministry for Way Overdue Public Works announced they were serious this time and they would build that 8th bridge across the Duna. (when EZA News requested an interview, ministry spokesperson Pató Pál úr replied, "Ej, ráérünk arra még!") Anyway, given that the name they came up with ("Bridge Across the Duna That Has Been Promised for, What, Decades and That Will Be Delayed for Another Eight Months, Apparently") is unwieldy and would most likely require a bazillion suffixes, they decided to run an Internet poll and ask the people to vote for a name. They hoped this cunning strategy would distract the people from the issue of the bridge being slightly behind the promised schedule. This being cucumber season, Hungarians decided to chuck (har har) tradition, which normally calls for the use of names of saints and other famous Hungarians, and poured votes on the name of that rugged, quasi-mythical figure, Mr. Walker,Texas Ranger himself, Chuck Norris.
This is brilliant, because if anyone can span the Duna, that's Chuck. He can leap tall buildings at a single bound. He roundhouse kicks the sun around the sky every day. He wrestles tornadoes with his bare hands. He fights evil and defends the weak and oppressed. He arranges flowers better than Martha Stewart. Szent István király may have founded the Hungarian state, but he is nothing compared to Chuck Norris.
From Buda to Pest, I will lay me down.
Of course, the authorities reserve the right to pick a name for the bridge. They don't really care what you think. As every conspiracy theorist knows, the Internet poll was just a ruse, mere busywork to keep people distracted from the machinations of the Illuminati. Given that the name Szent Korona-híd is currently (and surely temporarily) in the lead, they may have in fact already exerted their evil ways on the people. We may have to consider a bloody revolution, one so mighty and terrifying that rivers of blood may run as deep as the Metro waters. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
