Small enough to fit anywhere!
The staff at ENN (We Know You're Dialing Right Now) is no stranger to cell phones. In fact, when we're not boozing or making fun of loser bigots (hey, WerwolfSSlovakia! We'll pay you a bazillion forint, roughly the equivalent to USD22.50, if you set yourself on fire) we can be found texting one another about boozing or bigots, and sometimes about boozer bigots (how's things in Upper Hungary, Jan? We offer the same deal as for Wolfie). But even when we've indulged in ye olde plum juice, we would never consider inserting cell phones into our nether regions, like these Salvadoran gangbangers, who not only kept their mobiles where the sun don't shine, but also found room for accessories in there (chargers, chips...possibly a PDA or 2, and an iPod). This has got to be more fun than hamsters, who normally can't be set to vibrate.
Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, a "scientist" who probably watches X Files reruns too much, has convinced Trinity College to fund a study about phone telepathy. ENN (We Have the Biggest Crystal Balls in the World) thinks this is a very good use of grant money that would otherwise be wasted on cancer or AIDS studies. In fact, we are at this very moment designing a study to determine whether any kind of phone telepathy exists between Salvadoran prisoners who keep cell phones up their asses. Can they tell when they're about to ring? "I feel a call coming. No, wait, I think it's last night's chili."
Got ESP? Email the X-Files Division of ENN at eza_news @ yahoo.com
