As a humanitarian service, EZA News (Fighting Peace Since 2006) would like to inform the Slovakian government that Hungarians are dangerous people who burn down townhomes and throw deadly carrots at people's faces when we're feeling particularly stroppy, haven't had our morning pálinka, or just because we can. Much as EZA News appreciates ultra-right-wing government factions (who doesn't, really?), we resent people who use difficult words when insulting minorities. Robert Fico's new coalition government should either muzzle Jan Slota (pictured above, mid-rant) or teach him some useful ethnic slurs that can be understood by everybody without the need for a dictionary. By using words like "lumpen elements" to refer to the Hungarian minority in Slovakia, Slota's effectively minimizing the impact of his statements, as a lot of people (including the staff at EZA News, most of whom obtained their journalistic credentials from a color laser printer) failed to become offended by them. If it hadn't been for Slota's further reference to the Hungo minority as "murderers of the Slovakians," we would've had to consult Encyclopedia.com, and that would've taken time away from playing "Rumanii in Spatiu," a game that can be quite fun once it's been tweaked a little.
In any case, now that we know what this drunken loser is barking about, and having read his latest rant over the weekend, we are a little miffed, albeit curious to find out how half a million Hungarians oppress the majority in Slovakia. Too much pepper in the paprikash? Excessive use of suffixes and diacritics? Stockpiles of deadly root vegetables?
The Hungarian government may have reacted with typical magyar aggression to the weekend comments ("if the Slovak government does not disavow Slota's words, Hungary would officially ask it to do so."), but that's nothing compared to what us Hungarian-Americans are capable of. We may have lost brother Bartha in the war against spouses, and brother Vecsey's future as our Root Cellar Chief may be uncertain, but this doesn't mean our forces are in any way diminished. So here's a little friendly warning to the Slovak government: watch out, Bobby. It's cucumber season.
