Night?, want to on the top all

If you thought Attila the Hun was the Scourge of God, you were so wrong. Spam is. This stuff is as irritating as falling in nettles. Does anybody actually open spam? I don't, but I have fun reading the stupid subject lines, like the one in the title, sent by "Peter." Want to on the top all night? Well, it depends, Pete. Your little spamming program neglected to include a couple of important pieces of info there, like a verb, and a noun, both of which would allow me to make an educated decision about this issue. Want to what on the top of what? Oh, don't answer that. We all know those spamming programs have their algorithms in the gutter. Here's another subject line, from "Letitia": She wants a better sex? And from "Reginald" : To boy or not to boy? Reginald is a philosopher and a bad speller. I hope someone soon will come up with The Idiot's Guide to English for Spammers. "Philip" offers Better sex for her to be hot. He and Letitia should partner up.

I was chatting with a friend about the stupidity of spam, and he sent me what is perhaps the funniest and strangest piece of spam ever.

Haven't the computer programmers already practiced shaving?
Did those students miss eating last winter?
Cathy hasn't practiced reading yet.
I missed shouting carefully.
Have you liked skiing yet?
7
Don't you practice cooking nicely?
I'm not missing surfing.
I'll study as soon as you have liked skiing.
Have you hated surfing lately?

This is a wonderful bit of spam, surely created by some frustrated ESL learners. It sure beats "the book is on the table," "the pen is blue," and "the dog was under the red sofa last night." You know, maybe this is some kind of code. That 7 there in the middle is mighty suspicious. And note the threatening overtones in "I'll study as soon as you have liked skiing." This guy probably strapped his tutor to a skiing machine when he nagged Cathy about not practicing her reading and admonised the programmers for wanting to get out of grammar drills by practing shaving again.

Spam. It's what's for dinner.